Thailand beaches

After a few hectic days in Bangkok trying not to get run over by crazy drivers, we decided that it was time for some rest and relaxation. So Becky and I packed up our gear and headed to Southern Thailand in search of the ultimate dream: a tropical white-sand beach with no one around for miles...

Our first stop was a small town called Krabi. It's not really a "beach town" since it's missing the main element -- a beach -- but it's on the water and is one of the primary stopping points for people to travel by boat to the more remote islands where the top-tier beaches are located. It has a laid-back feel and, despite the noticeable presence of tourists, doesn't feel touristy.

Since there isn't a beach, we decided to do some adventuring, so we rented a motorbike and drove inland to explore a national park called Khao Phanom Bencha, where there are supposedly some incredible caves.
But we couldn't find the caves. We found some other cool stuff, like these rock formations, but no caves. You might be wondering, how is it possible to miss out on the caves that are part of the tourist scene? Well, that brings me to Random Fact No. 1 about Thailand. Nothing -- and I really mean nothing -- is ever "easy" to find (despite what locals or the guidebooks may say.) There we were, driving along the road, when a sign says "Cave 500 meters." Ok, we should be close, right? Then another sign a few hundred meters more down the road has an arrow and says "Cave 100 meters." Great, we're headed in the right direction and we figure, naturally, that the cave would be right in front of us. Nope. No cave. At all. And there are no more signs to guide us, and what's worse, there's about six different trails leading in random directions. So no caves for us. Undeterred, we then decide to go for a nice hike to a waterfall on this rock, which the lady at the ticket booth at the national park described as "an easy 1 hour hike along a trail." So there we are, wearing not shoes but sandals and carrying only a small bottle of water, eager to begin our easy walk through the forest. As we began our ascent, the trail is easy, but suddenly the trails turns from a beaten path to a combination of jagged rocks, bigger jagged rocks, tree roots, and slippery mud. And this ain't no easy hike; after 20 minutes we were cursing the lady at the ticket booth because this had to be the steepest, roughest hike of our lives. But we got to that point where you often think, "we've come this far, maybe a little further and we'll get to the waterfall," and we started justifying our efforts to go further by saying things like, "I think the jungle is getting less dense, so the waterfall should be close." I mean, seriously, what the fuck does that even mean. Eventually we turned back because a) we ran out of water, b) the jungle was NOT getting les dense, and c) fuck it, we were hungry. This brings me to Random Fact No. 2 about Thailand: Thai people have no sense of time. It's impossible to recount the number of times someone said that somethng was five minutes away but it took us 50 -- and it works in reverse, too. Once, a woman told us that the nearest ATM was a two minute walk, but when we left her shop, the ATM was about 20 feet down the street. It can't be that hard to accurately judge time.

After a day or so in Krabi, we left for what is considered by many to be one of the most beautiful islands in the world, Koh Phi Phi. It's a 90 minute boat ride from Krabi. It was hit hard in the tsunami a few years ago but has basicaly rebuilt itself. Sadly, Phi Phi's greatest asset -- its beauty -- is also its downfall, as it attracts way too many tourists. The main port town is populated with twenty-something backpackers who think it's spring break, spend most of their time getting drunk or high, and seem to try to be as loud and annoying as possible. The main town has that sad aura that so many other beach resorts have... the rape of natural beauty. So we decided to "splurge" with a 30 dollar room at beach resort that was much more secluded. (The resort -- Paradise Pearl -- is an excellent place to stay, should you ever find yourself in the area.) We literally had our meals on the beach. We also had the best pad thai ever at this little hole in the wall shop near the port. It was oh-so-delicious. And for some reason, decorated with messages people wrote about how good the food was, so we did the same.

(Side note: I don't want to sound like an old fart here. I understand the backpacker thing. They're young and want to party and get laid on a tropical beach. Can't really argue with that. But the "spring break" chapter of my life is done, and I'm ok with it. I want a quiet beach where I can rest, followed by a nice a dinner, a glass of wine, a good lay, and 10 hours of sleep.)

Away from the backpackers, we had a nice beach to share with only a handful of other people. But I wanted more. I wanted to find a beach that no one else could set foot on. Becky graciously allowed me to search for such a place, and we spent the better part of a day looking for my personal Eden. Bt it was not meant to be. Apparently, ever inch of beach had been discovered long before I got there. So I had to content myself with whatever sand I could find, and we spent several days just relaxing and enjoying the clear blue ocean.

We knew we were having a good time when, at one point during our stay, we had this conversation:

[long pause staring contemplatively at the ocean]
David: What day is today? Sunday?
Becky: I think it's Tuesday.
[paure for more staring at the ocean]
Becky: But it could be Monday.



Despite the fact that we're here in the wet season, meaning that it rains every day, the place is beautiful. Clear blue water, jungle coming right onto the water, and a sun so intense it feels like it's melting the skin of your bones. After a few days of just laying out in the sun, Becky and I decided to do a little sightseeing, so we took a tour of the island and went snorkeling. (Our tour group -- 14 people, of which I was probably the oldest -- was like a mini United Nations: besides us, there were people from France, U.K., Norway, Germany, Israel, and Canada.) Our first stop was Monkey Beach, where -- you may have guessed -- there are monkeys on the beach. And they're not afraid of people, so you just walk right up to them. I warned Becky not to get too close in case they tried to bite; she scoffed at me; and then the universe -- just to show her that sometimes I can be right -- set the wheels in motion for another guy not 10 feet from us to get bit by a monkey. I think he was French judging by his reaction: "I surrender.") We spent the rest of the day exploring more beaches and some snorkeling, including Ma Ya Bay, the setting for the 2001 movie "The Beach." It's beautiful and off limits to development but -- like the running theme of this post -- ruined by humans. Trash is everywhere, which is amazing since you can only access it by boat, and also since only so many boats can get to it since it's a protected wildlife area.


After a few days on Koh Phi Phi, we left for Phuket, which is probably the major beach town in Thailand. We shacked up in the city, then rented a motorbike to the beaches about 20 minites away. We landed in Kata beach, which is a really nice long sandy beach, but also very developed. The beach itself looks like what you'd find in Southern California (long and deep), and even had vendors walking along selling all sorts of crap you'd never want or need. After a few hours on the beach, we needed to jump in a pool. So, we crashed at a nearby beach resort, swam in their pool, and used their towels. I was about to order drinks and charge them to someone's room, but Becky's conscience got the better of her and I was left without my fruity tropical drink that I had longed for. Oh well. We also visited the "Big Buddha" on top of the tallest hill in Phuket. It's 45 meters high and the view fom it is awesome. We just had to snap a photo in front of the American flag. (We had no idea why it was there, nor was it there for any apparent reason.)

That's it for the beaches, for now. But I leave you with a few more random thoughts, just in case you ever find yourself here:

Random Thought No. 3: When you use the toilets here, if you use t.p. (I say "if" because it seems optional) then you can't flush it down the toilet. There's a separate trash can you put the discarded paper in. Now, I don't mean to be condesceding, but what kind of screwed up system is this? I mean, objectively speaking, how can this be a good idea. Maybe it's ok if you are the first person to use the bathroom after it's been cleaned, but if it's late in the night and the t.p. is pilling up and who knows how many people have gone before you, then you're sitting next to a pile of crap (literally) with the scent of many people before you. Really, is this the best system they came up with?

Random Thought No. 4: English is prevalent here (ie, the dominant non-Thai languauge), which is great for me. And they often use English on signs, which can also be great. (Even if the signs aren't helpful, they can be hilarious.) But here's my beef: if you run a business and have a sign outside with English on it like, "Batteries sold here," then someone -- anyone -- in the store should, at the very least, understand those English words. So if I walk into the store and say, "batteries," I think's it's reasonable to assume the people working there won't stare at me like I'm retarded or rude because I don't know the Thai word for batteries. Maybe it's just me, but I think I'm right....

Random Thought No. 5: I've done a fair amount of motorbike driving in Thailand in the last 10 days.
It's a dangerous proposition, and we've had a few close calls. Most of the time we're lost or confused since the streets make no sense. A street going north-south may suddenly go east-west, but it keeps the same name, which leads to utter chaos for us. There's no need to skydive or bungy jump or cliffdive in Thailand; stepping onto the streets is scary enough...

We're headed up north to do some adventure-type stuff. Stay tuned....

PS: The guy next to me in the internet cafe is looking at porn. You gotta love it.